The F O R B I D D E N L I S T
by AkimoTactician
Summary: Combine about a 140 different heroes and lots of spare time, what do you get? Enough problems for the summoner. Solution? Write a damn Rulebook all Heroes must follow. That should teach them...should it?
1. Rule 1

**So everyone's doing this, so why can't I? Granted this is just alleviating stress for the impending doom of a 3 hour English exam tomorrow.**

 **So here's some details:  
\- I'm using my avatar name for the summoner. I already have a friend named Kiran. Based on past experiences, I'd rather not have too many of those running around.  
\- Might do daily. I have exams.  
\- Give me ideas plz  
\- All ideas, will be given a scenario as to why the rule was implemented.  
\- Pair the summoner with someone. My waifu will (** **Obviously) always be Cordelia, but Ayra might be nice. Idk  
**

 **Anywhoodle, enjoy the first rule.**

 **Rule 1** : **Stop telling me that I have to summon 'So-and-so' or I'll face their wrath. Seriously. Not cool.**

Today was like any other day. I had a nice walk around the castle, talked to some mates, and fired some orbs at a massive tablet. Needless to say, it was rather uneventful.

This didn't stay that way for long.

I was walking towards my quarters when I felt a tug on my robe. Turning around, I expected to see Nowi or Delthea. Strangely enough, it was Soren.

"What do you want Soren? I'm really tired right now. Make it quick" I asked with a tired expression, a yawn following to confirm my statement. Soren pulled out his tome and started muttering some chants. Realising what he was doing, I quickly backed away, scared out of my skin. What was Soren even doing!? I'm the guy that makes sure we get new members everyday!

"Don't take it too lightly Akimo. I'm just wondering when you're going to summon Ike? It's been too long without him and he could really improve our forces."

"I did! Haven't you seen him around the castle!?"

Soren sighed, and nodded his head.

"It's not the same Ike. For one, he uses an axe. What kind of Ike uses an axe? The wrong kind. I expect to see Ike walking into the castle tomorrow morning, or someone's going to see just how strong this tome can be. Oh! Of course, for _military and strategic_ purposes." He added with a snicker.

"Are you threatening me!? You realise I could send you home right now and no one would probably care! Well maybe Ike would, but still!"

"Hence why my tome is currently ready for action"

Soren took a few steps toward me. One. Two. Three.

"So what'll it be? Ike? Or Tome?"

"EAT MY ASS!" I screamed as I shot a rock from the Breidablik, hitting Soren in the chest. Making use of the time, I quickly ran towards my quarters. Soren however, quickly overcame the initial shock and began his chase.

"Out of the way! Coming through!" I shouted at passerbys, all unaware of the misfortune of my situation. Where some looked at me with astonishment, others had pity. I banished the thought of what they'd say to me if we ever talked of this situation again. Spying a corner, a braced myself.

"HONMONO NO DORIFTO!" I yelled as I turned the 90 degree corner with the utmost precision, so much so that smoke was bellowing in my tracks and the onlooking crowd could only look with awe at the scene that was currently transpiring in front of their eyes. Takumi would be proud.

He wasn't obviously, he was currently confused as all heck and wondered what the hell I was doing. Oh right. Wrong Takumi.

Sensing that I needed to somehow make this situation even better than it already was, I needed to do something. Something so huge that none of Anna's Yaoi fanfics of the current males of our group (namely Takumi and Leon) could ever top. Only one thing was needed.

I dabbed.

Expecting applause, I was greeted with silence. Stopping, I turned around, completely forgetting the whole reason why I was running in the first place. Of course, Soren was there.

We both looked at each other, panting, and expecting to see if anyone would start talking. No. Only silence. Finally, I burst out.

"Oh come on! That was glorious! I DRIFTED around a corner while DABBING! No one's ever done that before! God, if Takumi were here, he'd be immensely proud!"

Takumi raised his hand, signalling that he was in fact here.

"Not you!" I pointed to him.

Soren starts chanting again, getting ready to cast Rexcalibur. I braced myself once again, ready for the impeding doom.

It never came. Instead, I heard shouts of 'Get of me!'. Looking up, I saw Soren pinned down, Ayra currently pointing her sword at him.

"Why are you trying to hurt our summoner!? He was the one who brought us here!"

"It's because he won't summon Ike!"

I sighed and walked over to Soren.

"I know you want to see him Soren, but I can't control who comes out of that gate. If I could, I would believe me. But in the mean time, be patient. Who knows? Maybe he'll show up tomorrow, in a week, or a month! The best you can do is hope. Hope that he'll be summoned soon."

This seemed to satisfy Soren for the time being, and I asked Ayra to get off of him, to which she agreed. I shook his hand, and he apologized.

"I'm sorry about all this Akimo, I hope you can forgive me."

"Don't worry about it! We all have people who we desperately want to see. It's only natural to want them to be here!"

"You are too kind." Soren replied, while walking off to talk with Ike (Brave one).

"So what was that all about?" Ayra asked as she walked up to me.

"Just Soren's obsession…don't you dare Anna! We don't want another 'story' floating around!"

"GOD DAMMIT! AND I HAD ALREADY FINISHED THE FIRST CHAPTER!"

 **Oh? You were expecting a well-written piece of fiction? Guess again. This is just a massiv E.**

 **I stand by what I say about pairing summoner-kun with Ayra. But she's so damn cold.**

 **I apologise to all out there who love Soren. I do too, he helped a lot when I didn't have Ike during that one Tempest Trial. I just needed someone...Shoot, I could've picked Eldigan dammit.**


	2. Rule 2

**ECONOMICS WAS PURE HELL. I SWEAR TO MALCOLM TURNBULL THAT SCOTT MORRISON MADE THAT EXAM.**

 **Ahem...pardon me, just needed to let out some steam. Sorry that I wasn't able to post a new chapter up yesterday. I was watching Kekkai Sen-Studying. Yeah. I was studying. Anywhoodle, here you guys go! Thanks so much for the reviews as well, some of the rules made me laugh, and put some thoughts into my head. ONWARDS TO THE MEME.**

 **Rule 2: Karel is not allowed to say "Omae wa mou Shindeiru". Seriously, none of us know if you're joking or not.**

"FEAST MY BLADE! FEAST" Karel screamed as he hacked and slashed at the training dummies. The other sword users looked on in anguish toward the prospect of not being able to train once again. Some decided that enough was enough and went to confront the man and his demon blade.

"Karel? You've been here for far too long, let some of the new recruits have a chance to use the facilities!" Eirika reprimanded him, pulling off her most stern look.

It wasn't very stern.

Karel looked toward her and laughed.

"Only after my blade desires food no longer, shall I rest."

Of course, me being the excellent summoner that I was overheard the commotion and went to see what all the fuss is about.

"What's going on here? Why hasn't Chrom smashed all the training dummies yet?"

"I haven't had a chance to Akimo." Came Chrom's reply, currently standing next to Marth and Roy.

"Oh…why not?"

"Karel."

I looked toward the said suspect and noticed that he and Eirika were in a heated discussion. I waltzed toward the two, hoping to break apart the argument. If things got bloody, Ephraim would be angry…not that I had him yet but still.

"Guys! Guys! What's going on?" I asked the two, mostly directing the question toward Eirika. Karel's answers tended to be a little…over the top.

"Karel won't let others train!"

I looked toward Karel and sighed, giving him a tablet.

"Here, play with this for a while."

"I'm not a child."

"Too bad."

He looked toward the screen and noticed that it had a picture. On it were the words 'Hokuto no Ken'.

"Akimo, might I ask what is this?"

"Oh that? It's an anime. You'll like it. Have fun with it. Just…don't let it influence you yeah?"

Karel didn't really understand what I meant, but thanked me for the screen anyway. With it, he strolled towards his quarters, intrigued by the constant flashing of 'moving pictures'.

"Thanks Akimo!" Eirikia said happily, and went off to train with the dummies…only to discover that they'd all been destroyed.

"DARN IT CHROM!"

* * *

"What even is this device?" Karel asked himself for the umpteenth time, as he closed the door to his private quarters. Setting his Wo Dao + on the table, he sat down and pressed 'play'.

"Karel? Why are you up so early?" Came Ayra's voice as she observed Karel slashing the training dummies once again. Not hearing her, Ayra walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder.

"OMAE WA MOU…SHINDEIRU!" He screamed, reappearing behind Ayra.

"WHAT!?"

Then it happened. Karel's eyes turned red. Lasers appeared in place of the eye sockets that he had used so often last night. Ayra looked at him in horror, and almost feared for her life that she would end up dying due to this. Almost.

An explosion was heard throughout the castle.

Sharena and Alfonse were the first to show up, the former in her pyjamas.

"What the hell is happening!? Are we under attack!? Akimo, what do we do!?"

I showed up a lot later than the two, yawning.

"What's going on? What's this?"

Ayra stood up from the rubble, in damaged clothing. Following her reappearance at the scene, Karel stood up. Also in damaged clothing.

"What the hell happened to you two!?" Came Alfonse's voice, almost dreading what would happen if the two were to fight on the same team during a mission.

"I don't know! I saw Karel training and decided to walk up to him! Then he said something that I didn't understand and the next minute, there was an explosion! Sheesh, what's his problem anyway?" Came Ayra's voice from over the smoke.

"What did he say?" I asked her, walking toward the scene.

"Something like…'Oh may war mo Shinto..'? I don't know!"

Something clicked in my head. Oh. Oops. I forgot that this was Karel we were talking about. A simple anime would not be enough to sate his blood thirst for…blood? Food for his sword? I don't know.

"Ohhhh, haha…ummm, about that…that's kinda my fault. Sorry." I apologized to her, while bowing my head in atonement.

"Umm, that's alright…I guess?" She trailed on, confusion spread upon her blackened face due to the soot from the explosion.

"Karel, forget I ever told you to watch that. Could I have the Tablet back?"

"Never! It is the bane of my existence!"

Anna suddenly appeared at the scene, holding said tablet in her hands. The absolute legend.

"Here you are Akimo! I was actually looking for this. What's the thing on it that you buy stuff and the percentages go up and down?"

"Anna give it here, and that's a stock market by the way."

Reluctantly, she handed over the device. I tapped the videos and proceeded to remove them one by one, as Karel's saddened face was made aware of the dreadful happenings that befall his favourite…'Anime'.

"You wouldn't be able to use it anyway…we don't have Internet here."

"Yes we do!"

I stopped whatever I was doing (Which was deleting all the files of Hokuto no Ken) and turned to her.

"We do?"

"Yeah! Why do you think I've been sending feathers to people and been purchasing so much express post satchels?"

"THEY HAVE THOSE HERE!?"

At that moment, all my delusions that the world of Heroes was a nice, sane place shattered around me.

"But-Bu…how did you..?" I stammered, praying that there was some logical explanation as to why Anna could access the Internet and purchase Express Post Satchels.

"You left the portal open a couple of times. Literally anyone can walk in and out of those."

"Oh."

"C-can I have t-the tablet back..?" Karel stuttered, hoping for some way to redeem his new favourite hobby. I looked at him with a blank stare.

"No. Also, you're banned from saying 'Omae wa mou…Shindeiru'."

"NANI!?"

* * *

I pointed the Breidablik at the massive, impeding stone tablet that had blocked my vision. These were my last 5 orbs for the day. I sighed. Here goes nothing.

' _Please be witch Nowi, please be witch Nowi'_ I prayed with all my heart, hoping that a 5 star would show up.

A bright flash shattered my vision. Beautiful, blue, flowing hair appeared out of the portal as the swordwoman unleashed her blade. A blade that I had seen all too often. Letting out my happiness, I screamed.

"LUCINAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

 **So that was a thing. Honestly I can imagine Karel constantly saying 'Omae wa mou Shindeiru'. Yes in all honesty, I did summon a Lucina last night. She was...-Atk, +Def. Still gonna use her. I can't wait for Spring to show up again...maybe I can try again for bunnycina to complete my collection.**

 **Next chapter will be up in...idk maybe a couple of hours? If I can be bothered.**


	3. Rule 3

**Finally got around to finishing this chapter. Will have lots of time left as Uni doesn't start for like a month, so yeah. In future chapters, I'm gonna be skipping rules. so next chapter may be rule 73 or something idk. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! The next chapter will have one of your suggestions implemented! Onwards to the show!**

Rule 3: Food Fights are not to occur when I am not present. If I am, I get first dibs on the pies.

"And this is our…'mess hall'" I said to Lucina, pointing towards the area where everyone was eating.

"Thank you Akimo" Lucina replied as she tried to spy anyone she might have known in the mess hall.

"If you need anything just come to my office and ask either me or Cordelia, depending on who is there" I told her, walking to the direction of said office.

"Wait, Lady Cordelia is here?" Lucina calls out to me, head tilted questioningly. If this was an anime, I imagined that there would also be a question mark on top of her head.

"Yeah. I think she's over there, eating her lunch with Selena and Lyn." I pointed towards the far left of the mess hall, where 2 redheaded girls were laughing along with a green haired one.

Lucina nods and walks towards the group, hoping to find Cordelia. She was in for a shock when she arrived however.

"Severa!? You're here too!?"

Selena (Or Severa as Lucina had called her) looked up towards the voice. Eyes growing wide, she squealed.

"LUCY! YOU'RE FINALLY HERE! Well, the original version I mean…BUT YOU'RE HERE!"

Severa, as the whole room now knew her as, ran towards Lucina and smothered her with hugs. Lucina giddily returned the hug, as Cordelia and Lyn looked at them grinning.

"Is Father here? And what was that about original version..?" Lucina finally asked, as she felt Severa relent.

"Nothing! Oh! Yeah, he is. Probably with Robin or something."

"R-R-Robin's here too?" Lucina stuttered, suddenly turning beet-red.

Severa looked at her, an eyebrow raised.

"You alright there Lucy? If I didn't know any better, I'd think you have a massive crush on him"

Lucina turned a deeper shade of red.

"Tharja's not going to like this" Lyn whispered to Cordelia, who only sighed and nodded.

"What was that about me?"

A creepy voice came out of nowhere, which caused Lyn to jump. Cordelia however seemed unfazed.

"You get used to it," She said, her head nodding toward the Lyn that was currently on the floor.

Tharja, paying no mind to the two walked toward Lucina and Severa.

"Lucina and Robin sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Severa sang, albeit a little too loud for Lucina's comfort. Then again, this whole ordeal was making Lucina uncomfortable. She decided enough was enough, and interrupted Severa's next chorus.

"Severa! Stop! Otherwise I'll challenge you to a duel in the arena!"

Sure enough, Severa did. Slowly, she turned toward Lucina, a smug look over on her face.

"Pfft! Your IV's probably aren't even as good as mine!"

Lucina stood there, confused. Cordelia face palmed and Lyn only shook her head and muttered, "She played the IV card".

"What's an IV?" asked Lucina.

"Haven't the foggiest!" replied Severa, a grin spread wide upon her face.

Tharja was annoyed at this whole spectacle. Only one could have Robin, and that was she. All versions of Robin belonged to her, even the one where he was a girl and in a bikini. Tharja almost drooled at the image but quickly shook her head.

"Robin is mine!" She shouted at Lucina as she slammed a piece of cake in her face. Everyone in the vicinity was shocked and silent until one voice broke it.

"Hey! That was mine! I was about to finish that!" Shouted Roy, who was sitting with Lillina, Eliwood and Hector.

Lucina, face covered in cake, tried to wipe it all off. Cordelia, sensing that she needed some help, went to lend a hand.

Severa on the other hand, was outraged.

"How. Dare. You. Do. That. To. LUCYYYYYY!" She screamed as she threw a club sandwich at Tharja. This being Tharja, she easily dodged…only for the sandwich to land on Alfonse. Sharena looked at him, then at Tharja. She grinned.

"FOOD FIGHT!" She screamed as she slammed her pie into Alphonse's face.

Today was not his day.

* * *

"Holy god. Now we're gonna have 5 Nino's running around…I'm so gonna merge them all…MWAHAHAHAH…that's unbecoming of me." I muttered, standing outside of the Summoning tablet. I fired the breidablik at the lone red stone remaining from the summoning session.

"HIYA! TRICK OR TREEEEEEEAT!" Came a high-pitched voice as Nowi swooped down on a... broomstick.

"OH MY GOD A THOUSAND TIMES YES!" I screamed, while crying tears of joy.

"I DON'T EVEN CARE WHAT IV'S YOU HAVE!"

"Ummm…what are IV's?" Nowi asked, looking at me in confusion.

"Never you mind! Meta stuff." I exclaimed as I walked away from the tablet, Nowi following suit.

"I can't wait to introduce you to…you?"

* * *

The great Order food fight was in full swing. Pies were thrown left, right and center, cake was littered on the floor, and Sharena was currently in the middle of it.

"Take that! And That! And That!" She screamed as various foods landed on the face of her foes, the unfortunates being Ryoma, Hinoka and Corrin. Under the pile of debris behind her, Alfonse emerged.

"Sis! Relax! Stop throwing food at everyone! Akimo's gonn-

*SPLAT*

"WHO RULES THE FOOD!? ME! WHO'S THE MASTER OF PASTA!? ME! WHO'S THE GOD OF COD!" Sharena bellowed, an intimidating look cast upon all in the vicinity. Tharja had since fled from the scene, and Sharena needed to find her next victim. Her eyes spotted Selena across the hall, currently taking cover and firing grapes at Laslow. She smiled to herself.

 _Target locked._

* * *

Cordelia looked at the scene, sighing to herself. Akimo wasn't gonna like this. At all. She could still remember the aftermath of the last time, and no one had ever seen him with that much fury. Nevertheless, she picked up the courage and started to run towards the summoning tablet, hoping that Akimo was still there and that she would make it in time. This being Cordelia, it wasn't a particularly fast run.

* * *

"So wait…it's Halloween. Does Ylisse even celebrate Halloween?" I asked (Witch) Nowi as I walked toward the roster to get her named signed up.

"I think..? I mean if we didn't, why am I wearing this? Haha!"

"Fair point."

We continued our walk towards the roster that was situated in my office, and I got Nowi to write her name when we got arrived.

"Wait..? My name is already written here…" she drifted off, as she showed me the piece of paper.

"Oh. Yeah that's cause we have another 'you'. One from a timeline where it is currently NOT Halloween."

"Ohhhh…like how I am all the time except Halloween?"

"Pretty much. Just write 'Witch' or 'Halloween' or something behind your name so I can distinguish you guys much easier."

"Okaaaaay!"

Nowi scribbled the word 'Broomstick' behind her name and awaited my next instructions. Just as I was about to say them, Cordelia burst through the door, huffing and clutching her sides as if she had just ran a marathon.

"Cordy? You alright? You look like you were having a race with Luke. On his horse."

Cordelia huffed and puffed (she didn't blow the house down sadly) and finally managed to get some words out.

"Mess…Hall *huff*…disaster…*haaaa*…Tharja…Lucina*huff* Food."

I nodded in understanding with a thumb on my chin.

"This IS a problem. Sorry Nowi, your registration will have to wait for a bit. That cool?"

Nowi nodded and sat herself on the chair in my office. Cordelia grabbed my sleeve and proceeded to bring me to the eye of the hurricane.

* * *

"What in Naga!? I didn't even do anything to you! Why are you targeting me!?" Selena (Severa) screamed as pastries of all shapes and sizes flew over her head.

"Because I saw you!" Sharena gleefully replied, pelting another pumpkin pie at Selena. This time, it finally hit it's mark, and Selena fell to a heap on the floor.

"W-Why?" Selena stammered. Sharena used her sadistic look.

"Because you never said 'hi'."

Selena braced for impact, ready for the impending doom to overcome her.

It never came.

Instead, she heard yelping as I held up Sharena by the back of her collar.

"Phew…just in time. Now, what do you think you're doing?" I asked the helpless princess that was currently hanging on my fingers.

"Ummm…nothing..?"

"NOTHING MY ASS! WHAT THE HELL DID I SAY ABOUT FOOD FIGHTS!?" I roared, letting her go as she faced me.

She looked at me, with her puppy dog eyes.

"Sharena used Baby-Doll Eyes!"

"It doesn't affect foe Akimo!"

"Akimo used Uproar!"

"It's super effective!"

"Sharena used Fake Tears!"

"It doesn't affect foe Akimo!"

Sharena looked toward me with narrowed eyes.

"What are you? A ghost-type?"

"I do prefer Mimikyu actually, love its ability. It's basically a free protect! WAIT NO! WHAT. DID. I. SAY. ABOUT. FOOD. FIGHTS!?"

Sharena whimpered and finally relented.

"Never start a food fight when you're not present…"

"AND IF I AM!?"

"*Sigh*…go nuts…"

"CORRECT! I'M GONNA BE ADDING THIS TO THE FORBIDDEN LIST LATER SO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T DO IT AGAIN!"

"YES SIR!" Sharena saluted, horrified at the tone of my voice. She scurried away to find herself a mop and a bucket.

Today was not her day.

"Don't think you're exempt from this too." I say as I grab the shoulder of someone behind me. A particular person with a tendency to stalk white-haired Tacticians.

"Akimo, why are you grabbing my shoulder?" Frederick asked.

"Oh wait, you're not Tharja? Darn. Wrong person. Where's Tharja?" I asked the nearest person around me, which turned out to be my assistant summoner, Cordelia.

"I dunno." She answers, shrugging her shoulders. "I know a way to find her though."

"Really!? How!?"

Cordelia breathed in a deep breath, and shouted:

"CHROM'S IN LOVE WITH ROBIN!"

"WAIT WHAT!?" Came Robin's panicked voice as he eyed his best friend.

"C-Chrom…is this true? I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I don't swing that way. Alternate me likes boys though, maybe try her?"

"No no! I'm not in love wi-

"How dare you love the love of my life!?"

Seemingly out of nowhere, Tharja appeared and started chanting.

"Huh, didn't think that would actually work." Cordelia said to no one in particular.

"Tharja. Grab a mop, and help Sharena clean up the mess hall. Or I'll start planning Lucina's marriage to Robin this instant."

"WAIT WHAT!?" Came Robin's overly panicked voice at the mention of 'Lucina' and 'Marriage'.

"I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH ROBIN!" Lucina cried, though the red hue on her face clearly said otherwise.

"DON'T BRING MY DAUGHTER INTO THIS!" Came Chrom's voice. I imagined if Sumia was here, she'd be squealing with joy at the prospect.

Tharja started panicking and went to get a mop. I turned toward the unfortunates who had to pay for my 'threat'.

"Relax guys, I'm only joking. Sorry for embarrassing you Lucina, needed to find a way to get Tharja to do my bidding and you seemed like the best candidate." I say as I offer her my hand.

Lucina looked toward me and after analyzing my apology, sighed and took it.

"It's alright, just don't do it again. And for the record, I'm definitely not in love with Robin. Even though he protects me. And understands me. And makes my heart flutter occasionally. Definitely not."

"Alrighty then!" I exclaimed, happy to have my apology accepted. Pissing off a new recruit is NOT something I want to do. Silence followed for what seemed like 5 minutes. Everybody got back to their own things when my assistant noticed something odd.

"Tharja's taking a while isn't she?" Cordelia muttered to me as she looked toward the storage room.

"OR AM I JOKING!? I'VE GOT THE PAPERS RIGHT HERE! JUST NEED YOU TWO TO SIGN TH-

"FINE! FINE!" Reappeared Tharja and silently got to work, muttering something underneath her breath.

"Akimo used Nasty Plot! It's super effective" I said to myself, as Camus looked at me with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah, I should take a break from Pokémon Ultra sun."

* * *

Nowi swung her legs as she sat on the chair in my office.

"I'm booooooored~".

 **So that's done! I'll be putting up some responses for the reviews below:**

 **Tobinboy100: Thanks so much for the feedback! I hope you continue to enjoy the chapters that I spew out.**

 **agarfinkel: Really good idea! Sadly I don't currently own Sigurd, but when I do summon him I'll definitely entertain the idea!**

 **NinaIsObsessedWithYaoi: First off. Love your username. Secondly, there would be tonnes of rules pertaining to Reinhardt (Stop making him dress up like a giant robot, stop abusing fortify and hone cavalry during practice etc.) but sadly, I don't have him lol. I've summoned him. Countless times. But vantage fodder.**

 **Lyra Melody: Me Likey!**

 **Guest that said Bunnycina's no longer available: IN YA FACE! I MANAGED TO SUMMON HER DURING 2nd LEGENDARY HEROES. LUCINA EMBLEM IS NOW A THIIIIIING! In all honesty though, I was not expecting legendary banners lol.**

 **myself12343215: 4th wall's already been broken sadly :(**

 **Thanks for reading, and hope to see you next chapter!**


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